Yes, so, well, I was sick...

And I still am--no, I'm recovering, but I probably could still spread it to others. I'm trying to be really careful about that, because there's definitely no joy in this sickness, except the joy that God gives one to endure and heal and rest.

In short: there's a tummy bug going around southern Cape Town, including Cornerstone College. I caught it, and my immune system was low due to being badly sleep-deprived and not eating well and not taking my supplements regularly and because it was in God's will, somehow, for me to endure this trial in order that I might be refined further into the new creation He made me to be. SOOO, yeah, I was skipping Tuesday's class, at home, was exiting the bathroom and whoops! Something happened and next thing ya know, I'm blinking at the splotches of blood on the ground, and I realize it's coming from me, because I fell from dizziness and stuff. I knocked over one of the hamster cages too. Orit, who has been worried about me all afternoon, at first freaks because of the blood, then quickly gets a hold of herself, grabs the hamster and sticks him in the cage, then hauls me (yes, physically, because I had NO STRENGTH) to the ER, where it's discovered that my temperature's 104 degrees. Yep, not good, so I'm dosed up on painkillers and antibiotics and IV fluid, because I'm badly dehydrated(yes, hard to belief, but I was so nauseous even water didn't sound good). I remained in the hospital until 2pm Thursday, when THANK GOD I was released (it was a great hospital--individual TV screens over each bed, really good food, very friendly nursing staff, air-con in each room--but, yeah, I was ready to leave).

Wow. That was really hard to write. I don't think I've fully come to terms with the situation yet--when I do, I'll probably cry or something.

So yes, Thursday evening to Friday evening was spent at Ruth and Manachem's, because Orit has class on Friday and she didn't want me in the flat by myself and she had an appointment to see an admissions counselor at Stellenbosch uni with Ruth on Friday anyway.. It was really restful there--they have a heated pool and a landscaped backyard and lots of comfy furniture to sleep on. It was a nice time of quiet reflection, praying, Bible reading, and journalling, as well as watching food shows on their primo TV and reading magazines and cookbooks. I (heart) reading cookbooks, especially chocolate cookbooks!

It's given me a different look at luxury. I had the luxury of being able to go to hospital, of being able to have antibiotics and afford to rest in facilities that are much nicer than what is available at state hospitals. I had the luxury of not worrying about class work or having kids at home or how I was going to pay for this. However, I did worry about the work and the payment; that's just my inability to trust God. It really convicted me to realize that many people have to trust and thank God in much worse conditions--why on earth was it so hard to trust Him in such "easy" surroundings? Often I floated between being fretful about where I was, thinking about all of those who go through much worse conditions in much more difficult environments, and losing myself in mindless TV programming or picking at the scabs on my lips and chin. Granted, I also did some reading for class and I did pray and journal a lot, but it was HARD to break out of that funk and do something productive for the kingdom of Christ--even if that "productive" thing was just coming to Him and laying all of my burdens and trials and cares at His feet and allowing Him to take away the guilt I felt over having such abundance. Guilt is such a selfish emotion in so many cases--if one doesn't immediately go to God and ask what to do with it, it can so easily fester into self-hatred, when one is supposed to be free of all that junk, accepting Christ's freely-offered sacrifice and God's incredible love and the Holy Spirit's powerful anointing, and giving out that love to others, living in His joy.

*sighs*

I have no answers.

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.